At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
