I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
