bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
