I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
