if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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