We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
