I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
