sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
