I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize