He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
