I just saw a hot homeless man
she looked like the before picture.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
