Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she smelled like a LAN party
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
