What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
