I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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