he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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