I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
