I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize