I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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