Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize