Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
