break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
