It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
