Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
