I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
