I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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