Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
