Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
