i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
