I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
