good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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