hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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