the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
