So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
