The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
