I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
