She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
