A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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