I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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