Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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