I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
