I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
