If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
