she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize