Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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