You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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