I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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