Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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