I think I won the penis lottery.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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