Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
