Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
