I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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