WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
