this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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