I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
