You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
