i already hear my dad disowning me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize