You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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