The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dignity is for republicans.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize