"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize