i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
