You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
