I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My life is pants optional.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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