If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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