Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
