I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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