When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she peed on how many people?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
