I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
