i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
